Day 1

Last night went well, I was even able to feel the baby moving during the night. The heart rate was overall nice and steady. I was very uncomfortable laying on my left side for hours on end, but I would do anything I needed to if it meant that the baby would be ok. We had a consult with Dr. Kalter, a neonatal-perinatologist today. This is a doctor who specialized in babies who were still in utero and had not been born yet. Dr. Gallaher stayed overnight with us last night and had talked to him a few times on the phone to see what he thought he should do. Dr. Kalter came in to our room at about 12:30 this afternoon to talk to Eric and I. He went over our history and talked to us about what he thought may be going on with the baby. He and Dr. Gallaher both thought that the baby possibly had the umbilical cord wrapped around it's neck. He discussed the options, but in the end his recommendation was what Eric and I didn't want to hear. He told us if this was his wife and child in this situation, he would make the decision to deliver the baby now before the heart rate dropped too low and we wouldn't be able to bring it back up. Dr. Gallagher said he would give us time to decide and he would be out in the hall if we needed him.

I will say that this was the hardest decision Eric and I have ever made, but we had to do what we felt was best. Emma Jane Engles was born at 2:00pm via emergancy c-section. She was weighed 425 grams (15 ounces) and was 10 1/2 inches long. She did cry when she was born but was then intubated and placed on a ventilator to help her breath. She then received the first of three doses of Surfactant, a drug which would help mature her lung until she is big enough to make her own. I made it out of the operating room 2 1/2 hours later where I was met by Eric and Dr. Gallagher. The first question I asked was if she was alive. Dr. Gallagher explained that the surgery went well and that she was alive, but small. He also discussed everything that could be wrong with her because she was so small. The neonatologist then came in and explained what was going on with Emma and let us know that they had stabalized her. She then asked Eric if he would like to meet his daughter. Eric came back with a picture and then the grandparents and aunts and uncles, two by two, were able to go back to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and see her. And when 6:00pm came it was finally my turn. I was not able to walk, so the nurses pushed me back in my bed. They parked me right next to her isolette where I was able to see her. Although she looked like a baby bird who fell from her nest, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.